the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
