every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
