You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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