Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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