you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
this beer tastes like vomit already
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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