I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
