saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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