i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
