I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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