I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
