Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
