update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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