if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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