Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
