What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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