I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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