You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
