Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
