You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
