My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
