i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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