so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
