All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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