just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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