Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's never too late to be topless.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I deserve this hangover.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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