bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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