Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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