You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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