wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
