Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
