perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
sex in a hospital.. check
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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