well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
