recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
