I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
