what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
