i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
