just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
