I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
