At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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