U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
