omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
