Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
where am i from again
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
