You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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