I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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