Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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