Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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