My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
