this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
