Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
