my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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