Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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