If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
