Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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