Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
