the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
