You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
