I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize