Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
