Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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