I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
