I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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