I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
