I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
