I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
