somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
