seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
